When you think about drug addiction you will normally picture someone, probably

unemployed, dirty, few teeth and who are in trouble with the law. Well, that is how I

pictured a drug addict right up to the time I became one.I was an Army Officer in the

2nd Commando Regiment. I had 30 odd years military experience with Operations in

Somalia, Rwanda (including the Kibeho massacre), multiple tours of Afghanistan and a number of Domestic Terrorism operations. It was after returning from my last tour to Afghanistan, with the Special Operations Task Force, that I became sick. When I look back now, I can see that my mental health went down hill very quickly. At the time I did not understand what was happening. I stopped doing the things I liked, I stop socialising and I started withdrawing. It was a perfect storm because not only was I struggling I was struggling alone. Because of the operational tempo of the Unit my Wife and kids decided to remain in Darwin while I went back to Sydney. It was then I was introduced to Methamphetamine or ICE.  Initially it fixed everything and made everything right again, that’s until it didn’t. For just under 12 months I was living a double life. An Officer enforcing the Army’s drug policy during the day and then sticking needles in my arm at night. I knew I had a problem and the only thing I could do was run away from it. I initially put in my discharge papers from the Army thinking that if I got back to my family that would fix me. It didn’t. I was only home for a month or so when the Army asked me to come back. I thought that going back to the career that I loved would fix me. It didn’t.

Finally I decided to come forward to the Army and ask for help then things got worse.  The Army did not know what to do. I lost my security clearance so I could not work and for weeks I was sent to my room to wait. This suited me fine and I kept using. I thought that coming forward would save me and my career. It didn’t.The next four to five years were a nightmare. The Army accepted liability for me using and medically discharged me. I moved back here with my family, who only found out I was a drug addict after I informed the Army. I was still using heavily when I got here and could not understand how I had ended up like I did. In 2015 I found myself banging on Banyan House’s door crying and begging for them to let me in. I think I spent two weeks there before telling them that I was cured. I remember my wife sitting in the office crying and begging them to keep me and help me. I was not ready for recovery. That was my first of three residential rehabilitation centres. I was very fortunate because Veteran Affairs paid for all my treatment. Unfortunately, after completing my second go at rehabilitation I used again within a week of leaving. My addiction was getting worse. So bad that I left my wife and kids and headed to Brisbane where I knew ICE was cheap. For the next two years I was homeless and couch surfing. Finally an organisation called Veterans 360

who find homeless Vets and help them, got me into my third rehab. This time I completed the three month program with the Hader Clinic in Queensland. I then did a further six to seven months further rehabilitation in their transition house. It was while I was living there that my wife asked me to come home and I did.

It was back in Darwin, at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, when I heard a member sharing that they work for Mission Australia. I had been clean for nearly two years and had been playing with the idea of doing something to help those who were struggling with addiction. I was given a number to ring and a day or so later I was sitting in an interview with the Program Manager of the Mission Australian Residential Rehabilitation Treatment Service (MARRTS). This process alone

created a lot of anxiety. You have to remember that I had been in the Military since I was sixteen and had no experience with job interviews. I commenced work as a Support Worker in October of 2019.

I know Mission Australia has been very supportive of me. Although my work ethic could not have been faulted the way I dealt with certain situations needed work. As an Officer in the Army I generally needed to confront problems face on and tell it how it was. Now, and still today, I am trying to feel my way around certain situations. I am definitely a work in progress. My journey has been difficult. Certain things and conversations still have a triggering effect on me. It is amazing how out of nowhere I noticed that I am daydreaming about using. My brain still wants that feeling.

There have been a few rough patches where my anxiety would tell me that Mission Australia was going to sack me but 12 months later I am grateful to still be working here. I have filled all the roles at MARRTS and have been fortunate enough to now be the Program Manager. I am really enjoying this job along with study at Charles Darwin University. I am learning every day and enjoy being of the Mission Australia team. It has been a long road out of addiction but I am starting to feel like the man I once was.